


For all the little dreamers

by Majure



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Sorry this is so rambling ive been having Emotions and this is the only way i can work through them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 00:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15376755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majure/pseuds/Majure
Summary: Remember Mollymauk Tealeaf. He deserves to be remembered.





	For all the little dreamers

**Author's Note:**

> So its 9:30 and i wrote this on my phone. Forgive me for how incoherent it probably is. 
> 
> This is my first published fic in about 4 years. Molly's death hit me really hard for some reason, and ive been feeling really emotionally drained and depressed. Probably a dumb reason to get depressed in the long run. 
> 
> I figured id work through my feelings using caleb, since hes as emotionally repressed as i am lol.

It has been three days and eight hours and Caleb has still not processed the fact that of their original group, only three remain. He was not the only one that, a week ago, had been certain in their victory. 

They had defeated everything in their path, always triumphing because that's what they did - until they didn't. The realization was shocking and brutal in its discovery and Caleb could not fathom how they had failed. They had failed Fjord, Jester and Yasha. They had failed Molly, and he suffered all the more for it. He was gone. The chances he was coming back were slim to none, and when he thought of it, an ache grew in his chest. 

And, perhaps worst of all, how they picked up strays along the way to make up for their weakness and their failure. Keg was not a replacement for Yasha. Nila was not a replacement for Jester. And this newcomer, this stranger who they had just met, this...infringer. This was not a replacement for Molly. 

This stranger who Caleb could not bear to look at or speak to had certainly picked up on Caleb's contempt because he certainly had not tried to hide it, even if Nott gave him a sour look and Beau rolled her eyes. On the occasion that Caleb looked up and met their eyes, there was sorrow - or confusion, or melancholy - wondering why Caleb could hate them so much already. Caleb could not bring hinself to regret that feeling. It gave him something to hold on to other than that stinging ache between his ribs which he could not bear to touch. 

He didn't know how the others felt about this group six. Not the Mighty Nein, because the Nein had to have Molly. They were the B Team. Second best. 

Nott, it seemed, had moved on the best out of all of them. She had proclaimed her love for this team, their family, and she had cried for Molly. Caleb suspected she did not cling to her rage like he did. And Beau - at night, if he strained his ears, he could hear the quiet crying from Beau who had not finished shedding her tears. Caleb could not bring himself to crying. Crying meant it was over. 

All three of them had been changed by this. Even if by the grace of some god, they got Molly back, and Fjord, Jester and Yasha, there was no going back to the people they were before. Perhaps the starkest difference was in Beau; she who promised to leave each town better than she found it, because Molly had left each of them a better person. Except Caleb. Molly had left Caleb bitter and alone. 

On the third night, gathered around a fire in the woods which had been carefully hidden from the road, Caleb sat on the dirt and stared at his spellbook. He did not read. He thought. The flickering of the light danced shapes across the pages and Caleb thought he could find a story in there somewhere, but storytelling was not something he was good at. 

Lost in his thoughts, he did not notice the stranger approach and did not notice them sit hesitantly at his side, until they spoke and he jumped, startled into looking up. 

"Why do you hate me?" The stranger asked bluntly, eyea crinkling at the corners as they stared into Caleb's eyes. 

Caleb opened his mouth, searching for something to say. "I..." 

"I've seen the looks you give me," they said. "I don't recall offending you, but if I did, i apologize." 

"It...It isn't you." Caleb pulled his eyes away and looked into the fire. His hands clenched around his book, pages creasing under his grip. "I do not hate you." 

The stranger snorted. "Funny joke," they said, and Caleb winced. "But really. Why?"

There were many reasons, most of them unfair. But that's who Caleb qas, at his core. He was an unfair, unhappy person, and he would be for the rest of his life. That was not the person Molly wanted him to be, but Molly wasn't here right now. "It isn't you," Caleb eventually ground out. "It is who you are not." 

Across the fire, Beau glanced up at them from where she'd been hunched around herself. He could tell she was listening and the well of emotion he had so carefully locked away since he had closed Molly's eyes and brushed the hair from face broke. His book bent as he squeezed it harder, edges pressing painfully into his palms. 

"Who...am I supposed to be?" This stranger asked, seemingly unaware of the wave of emotion that washed over Caleb. 

"He was the best of us," Caleb said mournfully, eyes stinging. "He was the one who cared if we lived or died. Now he's gone and stuck with us to save him, to save everyone. How unfair." 

"Who?" The stranger asked again, and from across the fire, Caleb saw Beau bury her head against her knees. 

"Molly," he whispered because his throat felt tight and he didn't want to cry in front of this replacement. "Mollymauk Tealeaf, and remember that name because it deserves to be remembered." 

There was a beat of silence. "Hard to forget a name like that," the stranger said. "It was a good name." 

"He was a good man," Caleb said and stood with a flurry. He tucked his book into his jacket and sped off away from the light, away from the eyes of this group. As soon as his back was turned and he was a good distance away from the camp, Caleb ducked behind a tree and let out a sob. 

Tears dripped down his cheeks, soaking into his beard. A few dripped off his chin and landed on his ratty scarf. The ache in his cheat was fierce now; Caleb gripped at the front of his shirt and tugged as though he might pull it out. He sucked in another shuddering breath, eyes sqeezing shut. He didn't want to cry. 

Remember that name. It deserves to be remembered.

In a week or a month, if they survived this revenge mission and killed Lorenzo without losing anyone else, they would go their separate ways. Keg - she had only known Molly a short while. Who was to say if she would remember him beyond a flashy man who had sacrificed himself to save the rest of them? Nila had never met him and likely didn't care. Beau would remember him with her actions and the tarot cards he pretended not to notice her shuffling through; Nott would remember her promise - never to steal from happy people, what a silly thing - but Caleb? 

All Caleb had to remember Molly were bloodstains on his coat. He could not even admit that he loved Molly and the rest of the Mighty Nein even though that ache was just as fierce as the sting of loss. There was one thing he could do to save him, to change this. 

He didn't have anything to remember Molly by; not a promise, not a scrap of cloth or a card. But he had his plans. He was already planning on changing the past. And if it worked, well - he would make sure the world remembered Mollymauk Tealeaf, because they'd never forget him in the first place

**Author's Note:**

> If youre reading this, you finished. Honestly...you deserve a medal or something. I have no doubt this was filled with typos and was nearly incomprehensible since again, i wrote it on my phone. 
> 
> Ill probably go over this again and edit it on a real computer. 
> 
> This fic is full of my little hopes and dreams that somehow molly comes back and beau, nott, and caleb can all hug him and cry. Maybe ill add a part 2 what doesnt make me feel sad af.


End file.
